Notes from a Hollywood Dream
Act One:
Scene 1:
The dream begins with me, fresh out of college, wandering around
Hollywood and getting my bearings before I show up at a major studio for
my job. [It never becomes clear what that job is supposed to be, but I
assume it to be as some sort of writer.] As I walk down a street, I
arrive at a location shoot for a reality show called "Celebrity
Gardeners", where teams of celebrities compete to raise vegetables on
community plots in a vacant lot. The stars try to pretend I'm not
there, while I'm tempted to ask how they keep their garden plots from
being raided or vandalized.
Scene 2:
I'm wandering around inside the studio lot itself, which appears to have
a gigantic hangar-like structure enclosing the entire complex. I notice
a great deal of hustle and bustle which echoes throughout the area. I'm
looking for Paddy Chayefsky, though it's not clear whether I'm to work
with him or just want to see him because I'm a big fan. Finally I meet
up with him, and notice that he appears very young for his age (and
clean-shaven but long-haired). [In reality, he's dead before I'm as old
as I am in the dream.] He's depressed, and starts telling me, half in
Russian, about how he's reduced to writing for reality shows such as
"Celebrity Gardeners".
Scene 3:
I finally meet my co-worker [hereinafter CW], who shows me around the
studio. He looks pretty clean-cut and barely older than I am. At one
point, he pauses to discuss something with one of the guards at the
security desk. Suddenly, a tall, grizzled, moustached actor, resembling
a cross between Nick Nolte and James Arness, confronts CW and begins
railing incoherently about one of his roles. I intervene, and, as he
senses a sympathetic ear, he begins rambling to me about how he gave the
best years of his life to the studio, only to wind up playing bit roles.
Finally, seemingly mollified, he wanders off. One of the security
guards apologizes to me, saying that he was once the star of "Knight
Rider"*. I reply that, after having been in Hollywood for two weeks,
I'm quite used to it.
*A TV show that I never actually saw.
Scene 4:
After lunch, CW takes me for a walk through one of the fancy surrounding
neighborhoods, pauses at a hillside park, and stretches himself out on
the grass. He tells me not to let the stars and has-beens get me down:
that life here is pretty sweet as long as I don't try to make a name for
myself. I can even live in a fancy mansion as long as I don't try to
own it. Then he mentions that he's engaged to marry a Kennedy girl. He
explains that an off-shoot of the Kennedy clan lives here, that they're
fascinated by studio workers, and wish to infuse the clan with new
blood. He says that he can think of at least two girls who would be
willing to go out with me, though one of them is more into East Coast
intellectual types, and I might want to cultivate that image.
Act Two:
Scene 1:
CW, three Kennedy girls (one of them his fiancé), and I are shopping in
a street bazaar. Apparently the East Coast intellectual image wasn't
necessary, for not only are both girls hitting on me, CW's fiancé is as
well. CW gets morose and wanders down the street. I catch up with him
and apologize, hoping that his own relationship isn't in danger. He
replies that it doesn't really matter: at this point, if I want to be
in, I'm in. He adds that one thing he failed to mention is that, in the
end, they choose whom you actually marry.
Scene 2:
I'm in the back of a pickup truck, with the two Kennedy girls, the third
driving. They are whooping it up, chugging from handles of Jack
Daniels, while the truck zooms and weaves down the highway. I'm saying
to myself: "please don't crash, please don't crash". The three
huntresses are returning home with their trophy.
Scene 3:
I'm at the Kennedy family table. CW and I are the only guys who are not
dressed to the nines. I feel nervous about this, and one of the girls
tells me not to worry: I'm not expected to dress up until I'm actually
a member of the family. Once I'm married, I must dress for dinner and
appear in family photos, but aside from fathering children, that's all
that's expected of me. As I sit there pondering my situation, the dream
ends.
February 18, 2012
The Circular File