A Tribute to Privacy

W.C. Fields: Show me a happy man with no privacy, and I'll show you a man who knows how to hide his bottle.

Margaret Dumont: Good heavens, could we please have some privacy?
Groucho Marx: Privacy is a four-letter word. It means having to spend the night alone with someone you love. Which is also a four-letter word.
Chico Marx: I went to a privacy once. He charge me fifty dollars just to take a pitch of my wife with another man.
Groucho Marx: You mean "private eye."
Chico Marx: He was in the army too? At'sa no fun. All the time they say to me "Do your duty, do your duty," but every time I leave camp to do my duty, they come after me and throw me in the slammer.
Groucho Marx: Ah, the things we do for our country.

George Burns: Privacy scares me.
Gracie Allen: I like it, it gives me time to think.
George Burns: That's what scares me.

Rodney Dangerfield: I don't get no privacy. I'm in the bathroom shaving, my son opens the door, which hits my elbow, and I cut myself. I say to him, "Hey, look what you just did!" And he says, "What, you want me to sign it?"

Rita: Ma, can't you let me use the bathroom for one minute?
Sylvia: Why don't you marry someone? Go to Istanbul on your honeymoon.
Rita: When I wanted to marry Dennis, you said he had the brain of a fungus.
Sylvia: Even a fungus needs to travel.

Gernif: Peephole no cover.
Sylvia: On Venus no one complains about lack of privacy.
Gernif: Wine why, eskimo pi.
Sylvia: If they do, we freeze them until the next famine.

Woody Allen: Privacy means being able to sit on the john and vocalize last night's "Jalapeņo Surprise" without having to worry about someone in the next room dialing 9-1-1 because they think you're dying of apoplexy.

The Circular File